For a Usercontrol try using the following:

Private Sub Form_Load()
   ActiveBar.Bands("Band3").Tools("Tool5").hWnd = UserControl11.hWnd ActiveBar.RecalcLayout
End Sub

For the Usercontrol you will need to create a handle:

Public Property Get hWnd() As Long
   hWnd = UserControl.hWnd
End Property

To access the tool properties make sure you reference the Band that the tool is on as well:

abDDWordPad.Bands("sb").Tools("miCol").Caption = "Status"
abDDWordPad.ReCalcLayout